Q: My annual review is approaching. Because of the extra work I’ve been handling lately, I feel like I deserve a raise. What’s the best way to negotiate a raise higher than the 5 percent cost-of-living bump employers usually offer?

A: I’ve found salary negotiation more of an art than a science. Just because you’ve taken on extra work doesn’t mean your employer will think it justifies an additional salary increase over and above the usual cost-of-living adjustment. Many companies are challenged by the tighter economic times and there continues to be cost-cutting and layoffs galore. It seems everyone I speak to is being asked to do more for the same or less salary, so a common response might be, “You’re lucky to be employed.”

This being said, with some research and a well-thought-out plan, this is where the “art” of the negotiation comes in. From my experience of negotiating my own compensation packages, as well as witnessing colleagues who not only jumped ahead with higher salaries but a career “fast track,” is that they all followed a handful of common strategies.

If you feel your efforts warrant an additional pay increase, then take a look at the points I’ve outlined below.

Start early and don’t wait until your annual review. 

Employers love good news, particularly when your good news makes them look great in front of their boss. Managing expectations upwards is an important and valuable skill to learn. Some of the most successful people I’ve met who are great at negotiating higher salaries and getting promoted are also very successful at managing the expectations of the management chain above them.

Send out an email when you’ve finished a successful project or a great client meeting. Spread the good news.  And remember, by emailing your bosses boss, it not only helps to make your boss look good that she/he has a winning team working for them, but it can also be a way of letting the senior management know your achievements if your direct boss is prone to taking the credit. It’s also helpful to build relationships with other senior people in the firm, not just your direct boss. Not only is it great for mentoring, but the more people you know and who are aware of all the great things you do for the firm, the better. What if your boss leaves the company or gets transferred? Then who will promote you?

Don’t be shy on self-promotion. Be the expert. 

This ties into my previous point of not waiting until your annual review. If you have some helpful feedback from a recent client meeting, opened an important client account or another useful update, don’t be shy about sending an email sharing this information. Be the expert, show your colleagues and management that you’re the go-to person — you’re not only helpful, but proactive and committed. Think about including your boss and your bosses boss (if appropriate) and other divisional managers as well as colleagues. Not only will this be helpful for your co-workers, but it helps to promote you as a team player and create a reputation that you’re also excellent at your job. This approach helps tremendously with your visibility in the firm. People are busy with short attention spans and if the company is large, it’s easy to get overlooked. They may not know what great things you’re up to, so appoint yourself CEO of your own PR campaign and promote it.

Get close to the revenue stream. 

No matter what industry or role you work in, it’s always easier to negotiate a larger compensation package if you have a quantifiable number next to your name. Whether it’s billable hours, products sold or trading commissions, having these figures in hand quantifying the revenues you brought into the firm or your year-on-year % increase helps enormously. It’s hard to argue against hard numbers.

Understand your market. 

Try to find out what people in your industry are being paid. Develop relationships with headhunters or recruitment agencies. Ask them what they’re seeing in the marketplace. Search newspapers (I remember indications of yearly compensation ranges for Wall Street were often mentioned in the newspapers). Talk to ex-colleagues who have perhaps left the business, because they may be more willing to share what they were being paid. Speak to some senior colleagues and get their thoughts; they may be able to guide you about compensation levels and also the ins and outs of negotiating at your company. Getting an idea of the compensation range is helpful. The more information you have, the easier it will be to confidently negotiate for more.

Get comfortable with your particular pay metrics. 

Understand how you’re being paid. Is it meeting sales targets, commissions levels, hours worked, project completed? Find out what you’re being evaluated on and measured by, then discuss the ways in which you can increase your salary and get promoted if you reach these targets with your boss ahead of time.

Back yourself. 

If you feel you’ve done a great job and this warrants a pay increase, then go for it. Come prepared. Keep a checklist of all the wins you’ve had during the year and bring this to your annual review. Be confident, knowing that you deserve to be compensated.

Be prepared to resign. 

I recommend this option as a last resort, but sometimes employers won’t commit to an increase until you’re walking into their office with a letter of resignation. If you know you’re doing a great job and you’ve been following through on all the points I’ve outlined above, but are still being overlooked for promotion and salary increases time and again, then it may be time to consider another job. If your employer really values you, they may be willing to match or increase the competitors offer so as not to lose you. At this point, it’s up to you to decide whether you wanted to stay or go elsewhere.

Finally, be creative. 

The reality is many companies are facing tougher economic conditions. They may want to pay you more, but financially if may not be possible. Therefore, as compensation and acknowledgement for your hard work and long hours, you may be able to negotiate for more vacation days, or to work half-days on Fridays during the summer. It’s helpful to also think of non-monetary benefits that can be given in lieu of salary increases.

-Julie Ann Tathem

The advice written by Julie-Ann Tathem, Tathem LLC is opinion based and for entertainment and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be in place of a consultation with a health, tax, legal or other professional.

This article first appeared in I Want Her Job.com.  Julie-Ann is a regular contributing writer for I Want Her Job and these articles form a part of an ongoing series of career advice where she addresses the questions and concerns of IWHJ readers.

“I Want Her Job™ is the website for independent-thinking women everywhere in search of the next best thing.” Brianne Burrows, Founder + Editor-In-Chief.

To my fellow Goddess,

What have we been doing to ourselves? Why are we so critical when it comes to our beauty? And when are we going to stop? When do we start insisting on kindness and compassion from ourselves and others, and claim our inherent beauty?

I am the first to raise my hand and say I have had a lot of practice over the years at being critical of myself; frequently judging my appearance for the times I have carried the extra pounds or the way my thighs fit into my trousers. But I’m learning this does not serve me. And from the women I regularly meet and the majority of the clients I work with, I witness the behind the scenes damage this harsh internal dictator is doing to many of us. We need to stop and find a new way of relating to ourselves.

If you haven’t already seen it, check out the new ad from Dove, called Real Beauty Sketches.  I found it very moving and think the essence of the message is something which needs highlighting; it’s the catalyst for this article. My experience of being a woman in this world and working with many female clients is there is such a thread of unworthiness and a feeling of “not being good enough” running through our psyches. And it’s not just about our beauty; the criticism is often about who we are as women.

Ranking realizations

As a coach and as a friend I listen to numerous women list one criticism after another about themselves.  And the criticism is harsh; if it was said to anyone other than them, they’d see it for the abuse that it is. When I ask what they find beautiful and feel good about themselves, many hesitate not sure what to say. This list is not as well rehearsed as the other one.

It can be easy to forget our inherent beauty, particularly when faced with a challenging situation.  I remember one instance where a male boss, at the very beginning of my career looking me up and down while he was on the phone with a male client, describing my appearance to him and giving me a ranking out of 10 for my attractiveness. I felt extremely uncomfortable in this situation, particularly as I was quite young at the time. It was only later I could see the learning opportunity this provided me. And this is what I try to share with women.  I’ve heard endless stories by professional women looking to be taken seriously, who have endured jokes at their expense as male colleagues openly rank female body parts.

Not nice. But we live in a world where each of us are given experiences to learn from and opportunities to make choices – ie, do we continue to work for men who demean us?

Transformational Beauty

And it’s the same for the media. A couple of years ago I lived in California, and I would regularly stop by a friends place for a coffee and a chat. She was a professional retoucher, and worked with many well-known female celebrities retouching their publicity shots. These would usually be used to promote a new movie, album or fashion collection. I remember one high profile campaign she worked on which ended up on international billboards, magazines, and other print material. It took my friend more than one month of sitting at her computer for a minimum of 10 hours a day, sometimes much longer, adjusting the images pixel by pixel in order to get them just right for the production company. The photographs had already been taken using the best hair and make-up artists, stylists, lighting and photographers, not to mention the celebrity was naturally very beautiful. Seeing the transformation over that month was astonishing to me. Prior to this, I had never fully appreciated the extent to which these images are altered to fit what seems to be the prominent idea of beauty.

It was an opportunity for me to check inside. If we take the premise that “how we relate to the issue is the issue”, then irrespective of what digitally enhanced photos are in circulation, how was I relating to me as I flicked through pages of the glossy fashion magazines? This is where the opportunity for growth is for us all.

A Matter of Choice

 How do we choose to be in the world – as people, not just men and women – when we often experience a world which is not as honoring of us as we’d like? Some of my most challenging moments have been the best opportunities for growth and learning. I realized I always have a choice.

We don’t need to wait for the outside to change before we commit to our own healing, becoming kinder and more compassionate with ourselves. We are responsible for our own healing right now.

It’s great to want to keep in shape, wear make-up, or even have cosmetic surgery, if that’s what you want. It’s all fine, so long as you don’t let it define who you are, and use this as commentary for your internal dictator.

Who Do You Love?

Start paying attention and notice things you like/love about yourself. Ask friends what they think your three best qualities are if you are struggling. I did this exercise recently and asked 25 people made up of family, friends, and colleagues to email me their thoughts of my 3 best qualities. I had some discomfort as I sent this email, but I want to consciously move away from the negative. All of the responses were great, and some were SO touching; I felt really good.

If our intention is to be the best version of ourselves, then we need to pay attention to how we are relating to ourselves.  We don’t have to wait for the outside world to change. We can remember the Goddess within, along with our inherent beauty in this moment.

“The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstance.” Viktor E. Frankl

Inspiring quote Viktor Frankl and great advert Dove!

Cheers

Julie-Ann.

Q: Do you have suggestions for setting up relationships with your clients where they respect your working hours? I understand the occasional genuine emergency, but expectations for replies on nights, weekends or on my personal cell for regular tasks or client-created fires seems excessive. I want to appear helpful, prompt and engaged with my clients, but I can’t afford to work 50-60 hours a week because of a lack of time boundaries. So what can I do?

A: First, a simple and practical option is to use your out-of-office function on your email system. Before leaving the office each Friday, for example, set up the function to say, “I’m currently out of the office until Monday MM-DD and have limited and delayed access to email. If your request is urgent, please contact my work cell at xxx-xxx-xxxx. Alternatively, I will respond to your message Monday by noon.”

I like using this function, as I’ve found it to be a clear way of managing expectations with clients and colleagues. By getting the automatic response, the client knows that not only have you received the email, but it outlines clearly when you’ll be available and when they can expect you to respond. You’re also giving them an alternative way of reaching you if the matter is, in fact, urgent.

Next, if you want to go a little deeper into the topic of boundary setting, then take a moment to check what’s going on inside of you. I hear you have judgments about the clients and their lack of respect for time boundaries, which I agree can be legitimately frustrating, but what judgments might you have about yourself for either not responding in a timely manner or not wanting to respond at all? Beneath the judgment, there’s often a voice of guilt. Scratching the surface even further can expose feelings of unworthiness. Depending upon the family or the cultural unit you grew up in, you may not have had much opportunity at setting functional boundaries or even know you have the right to set healthy boundaries.

A book that helped me enormously in understanding functional external and internal boundaries is “Facing Codependence” by Pia Mellody. This is one of my go-to books for both me and my clients. Reading “Facing Codependence,” along with the subsequent training I’ve done with Pia Mellody, has helped me understand my own internal and external boundaries. In any relationship, you have the right to set an appropriate boundary — which includes saying no.

Pia writes, “Boundary systems are invisible and symbolic “force fields” that have three purposes: (1) to keep people from coming into our space and abusing us, (2) to keep us from going into the space of others and abusing them, and (3) to give each of us a way to embody our sense of ‘who we are.’”

I’ve found that, over time, many of us have forgotten our inherent worth as a human being. Instead, we value ourselves on our strengths and weaknesses and on what we do and not who we are. And I often see women, in particular, playing the “good girl” role; craving positive external approval for being seen doing the “right thing” (irrespective of whether it’s for our highest good). Perhaps this is something for you to consider, given you write, “I want to appear helpful, prompt and engaged with my clients.” Take a moment to consider if your internal conflict — and payback — is an unconscious desire to be seen as the “good girl.”

As a next step, set up your out-of-office response and take some time to observe how you feel when you do set a work boundary with a client. Does it feel uncomfortable or perhaps a little scary to not respond immediately? Jot down on paper what you’re observing about yourself. If you take the principal that the outside is a reflection of what’s going on inside, you may unconsciously be giving off a message of the “good girl;” wanting to be seen to be doing the right thing and seeking the clients’ approval. If this is the case, this could be contributing to why they’ve been overriding the boundary of reaching out during reasonable office hours.

I love your question, by the way. It highlights an everyday issue that affects so many people. Setting appropriate boundaries is a life skill and it impacts all relationships — not only at work. I’ve yet to meet anyone who has a good handle on this all of the time, including me. If you can get used to setting healthy boundaries at work where you seek external approval less often and have come to understand the source of any guilt/sense of unworthiness, then this will help tremendously in all other relationships — including ones with your spouse, parents, children, friends and so on.

In closing, I want to let you know I support you in setting healthy work boundaries. If a 50- to 60-hour work week is not appropriate in your industry and you’re not on emergency call, then start with the out-of-office and see how things go. And if clients continue to call on weekends or evenings, let it go to voicemail. If it’s urgent, you can call back, but if not, you can respond the next business day.

Hope this helps!

-Julie Ann Tathem

The advice written by Julie-Ann Tathem, Tathem LLC is opinion based and for entertainment and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be in place of a consultation with a health, tax, legal or other professional.

This article first appeared in I Want Her Job.com.  Julie-Ann is a regular contributing writer for I Want Her Job and these articles form a part of an ongoing series of career advice where she addresses the questions and concerns of IWHJ readers.

“I Want Her Job™ is the website for independent-thinking women everywhere in search of the next best thing.” Brianne Burrows, Founder + Editor-In-Chief.

When things happen in 3′s, I take note.

I couldn’t sleep last night from jet lag, so was randomly selecting TV programs from my DVR. I first came across an interview with Caroline Myss from a couple of months ago where she was talking about our Sacred Contracts, and following our intuition to find our life purpose… hmm – interesting I thought.

Then turned onto another program with Pastor Rick Warren, where he was highlighting his book “A Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For?” and speaking about our unique gifts, reminding us we all have something to offer the world… hmm – a good reminder I thought.

Finally this morning I came across this quote by Martha Graham… “There is a vitality, a life-force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is, nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours, clearly and directly, to keep the channel open.” … hmm – an emerging theme? When things happen in 3′s I take special note.

A good reminder we all have something unique to offer the world, we all have something great to give and there is only something YOU can do – which is uniquely better than anyone else. If you already know your purpose, then great, you’re on your way. If you don’t, do what Caroline Myss suggests – get quiet, perhaps meditate or take a walk in nature, pray, ask for guidance and then follow your intuition.

Here’s to a purpose filled life for us all.

How many times have you given into your righteous anger at those you believe have wronged you, and instead used this as justification for revenge?  We’ve all done it at some point. It could be as simple as driving dangerously because someone cut you off on the highway, or retaliating after a fight with your partner. It raises the old question, do “two wrongs make a right?”

That’s why I liked the following words from Terrance Real, author of “The New Rules of Marriage” when he says … “I believe that offending from the victim position accounts for 90 percent of the world’s violence. Whether the form it takes is a cold silence or an unkind word between two partners, or it’s the act of a disenfranchised, angry criminal who feels entitled to violate our civil code, or a seemingly endless cycle of violence between fractious countries or ethnic groups, violence at all levels is fueled by the RIGHTEOUS ANGER of the victim. And standing up to our thirst for revenge, no matter how “justified” it might feel, is a large component of learning to live nonviolent lives.”

When we are offending from the victim position, we are often being abusive. From this place, as we “justify” our behavior it’s easy to disown the reality that we are also abusing. The behavior is often covert, and the actions from this victim position can frequently garner sympathy from outsiders making accountability for our inappropriate behavior more elusive.

I particularly like Terrance Real’s line “standing up to our thirst for revenge”, because in the heat of the moment, it can be tough to have the clear head of an emotionally functional adult who has the wherewithal to speak calmly from the place of feelings with an intention of healing. But if healing really is the intention, then this is the place where the work in relationships and with our self often needs to begin.

One of the 5 Core Symptoms Pia Mellody highlights in her work on Co-dependency is SELF-ESTEEM. At a recent training I attended in Arizona with Pia, she said “We are taught to compare ourselves to others to determine our value. If you do not apply the concept of self-esteem to yourself you will probably try to obtain a sense of value through the affirmation of others.” Healing comes from remembering our inherent worth. Any time we move into LESS THAN or BETTER THAN thinking in comparison to another person we are in Self-Esteem failure.

I was watching a 60 minutes interview with Sheryl Sandberg this past weekend. She was discussing her new book “Lean In” and the ways in which, in her view, women hold back in promoting themselves in the workplace – particularly when it comes to stepping up into leadership roles. What I liked about her interview (and I’ve just ordered the book) is that while she takes into account there are more established external programs and networks supporting men to reach senior levels, she also addresses ways in which women contribute to holding themselves back, and some of the proactive ways we can help ourselves.

In her 2010 TED Talk “Why we have too few women leaders”… Sheryl Sandberg states, “the data shows, women systematically underestimate their own abilities. If you test men and women, and you ask them questions on totally objective criteria like GPAs, men get it wrong slightly high, and women get it wrong slightly low. Women do not negotiate for themselves in the workforce. A study in the last two years of people entering the workforce out of college showed that 57% of men are negotiating their first salary, and only 7% of women. And most importantly, men attribute their success to themselves, and women attribute it to other external factors.” Having worked in the male-dominated finance industry for many years, and now working as a coach with numerous female clients who also work in the finance industry, I would tend to agree.

But at the end of the day, I’m an advocate of choice. Rise to the top of the corporate world or not; be a stay-at-home mother (father) or not. What I am more interested in is that each of us are addressing our often unconscious limiting beliefs and competing intentions, so that we can make more conscious decisions about our lives; living from a place of joy and fulfillment in whatever we are doing.

The questions I ask my female (and male) clients, is how are you relating to yourself from the perspective of self-worth and owning your own power. Is it a self-honoring choice that you are not raising your hand and reaching for new opportunities in the workplace? Or is it because you feel uncomfortable about giving voice to your authentic power and have forgotten your inherent worth – thereby settling into the “one-down” position to your (male) colleagues. I think at the heart of all of these discussions, is how can we be more authentically ourselves – whether male or female, and how do we follow through with our choices, which at times will stretch us into places of discomfort as we reach our new normal.

Check out Sheryl Sandberg’s 60 minutes segment and TED Talk – worth watching:   http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=50142538n & http://www.ted.com/talks/sheryl_sandberg_why_we_have_too_few_women_leaders.html

Cheers
Julie-Ann

I wanted to share with you my recent interview with founder Brianne Burrows, on her website IWantHerJob.com. [www.iwantherjob.com]. It was posted today and is up on the site and also on Facebook.

Brianne started the website a couple of years ago with the intention of sharing stories of successful women who love their jobs, in a hope that her readers would also be inspired to start bringing their dreams into reality.  IWantHerJob.com has been chosen by Forbes as one of the top 75 websites for your career.

Here is the link…. http://iwantherjob.com/julie-ann-tathem/

Cheers

Julie-Ann.

I saw this quote by Marianne Williamson… which I wanted to share…..

“Imagine an angel standing before you, holding a big white box. Now place in the box any situation that causes you fear. The angel now sorts through the box; he takes out every thought you have that promotes or perpetuates the fear, adds to the box every helpful thought you could be thinking but aren’t, and then hands the box back to you. Feel the box and its contents drop into your heart, and humbly receive it. Your thoughts will now be miraculously changed, and everything will be different now.”

If something is troubling you, hand it over to the angels. Surrender. Allow spirit to take you where you are meant to go.

My intention this week is to remember the places inside where my creativity, joy and sense of limitless possibilities reside. What is your intention for this week? Work related, personal, health, cleaning the cupboards, taking a walk, more peace and well-being? Take a moment to think about it. Setting intentions are powerful ways to create positive and meaningful change in your life. Even though you may not know how to do it or how to find the time, set the intention any way.

Who has time for a daily practice of deep breathing and meditation? I never did. I was rarely able to incorporate a consistent daily practice into my life. I viewed it as one of those nice things to do, but not a necessity. And even with the best of intentions, my deep breathing/meditation was always the first thing to get dropped when I was busy.

However the more I’m understand how the Sympathetic/Parasympathetic nervous system operates and how survival terror gets triggered, the more I’m coming to realize how important incorporating a daily practice of deep breathing and meditation is into our lives – even if it’s just for 10 minutes.

You can’t perform at the highest level when part of you is in survival terror. And it’s when we are in the Sympathetic Nervous system, the Fight, Flight, Freeze (FFF) and survival terror responses are triggered.

Robin Sands, author of Relaxation Reflex writes “The Sympathetic nervous system allows us to deal with stressful situations. Whenever we perceive danger it will tense our musculature, constrict our blood vessels and speed up our thinking process. Then when danger has passed the Parasympathetic nervous system will take over, decreasing heartbeat, relaxing blood vessels and clearing away metabolic waste products such as adrenaline and lactic acid.”

Unfortunately for most of us, this tends to be the exception rather than the rule. We are always running from one thing to another, stressed out – at least I always was. And “When people are ruled by their Sympathetic Nervous Systems, life slowly becomes more and more uncomfortable. Once in this vicious circle, sleep and appetite become affected. Alcohol and other kinds of suppressants may be sought.”

So how do you activate the Parasympathetic nervous system? It can be as simple as practicing daily deep breathing. Understanding that I can’t perform at my highest level if I’m consistently operating from a FFF/survival terror response, I have now become incentivized to incorporate a practice of deep earth breathing into my daily routine.

Find a quiet place, preferably sitting in a comfortable chair. Close your eyes, and imagine a place deep inside the earth’s core. As you keep your attention on the earth’s core, breathing deeply in through your nose,  imagine the breath moving up through the layers of the earth, up your left foot, left calf, left knee, left thigh and into your womb if you’re female or the base of the spine for the men. Hold this for a period of 5 seconds with your attention on your womb or base of the spine. On the exhale, breath out through your mouth, and imagine the earth breath going back down your right thigh, right knee, calf, foot and back deep into the earth’s core. Depending on how much time you have available repeat 10-30 times each day.

I’ve found over time, it’s more important to do some sort of deep breathing daily for shorter periods of time if I have a busy week, versus less frequently but for longer periods.

Happy performance enhancing breathing.

Julie-Ann.