Q: I just found out I’m pregnant, and I’ll need to start telling my colleagues and boss within the next six-to-eight-weeks. I’ve never been in this situation before. What is the best way to talk to my boss and co-workers? And also, what is a reasonable time to plan for my last day in the office? A week before my due date? Two weeks before? I’m obviously new to this and need your help! 

First off, congratulations—what exciting news for you! And yes, I’m sure you do have a lot of questions. With the many and varied details to consider before the birth take a look at my tips below.

Speak to Human Resources

Once you’re ready to share the news of your pregnancy, I’d recommend speaking to someone in Human Resources as a first step. There will be a bunch of information including your benefits, when you are allowed to take time off, number of weeks of paid maternity leave, versus unpaid leave. Depending on the country, state and company, it can vary greatly. When I was working in London, the company I worked for was very good in supporting the needs of employees—they even had discrete sleep rooms dotted around the building for any pregnant employee to take short breaks throughout the day to recharge. Human Resources was in charge of giving this information.

Telling your Boss

Once you’ve had a chance to speak to Human Resources, then as a next step I’d speak to your direct managers and tell them about your pregnancy and plans for maternity leave. And as best you can, try to give them as much certainty about how long you plan to be out. Your manager will most likely want your input on who could do your job while you are away, do they need to hire someone, does this person need training, and if so, how long will the training take.

Lead Up to Maternity Leave

Discuss with HR and your boss about the times you’ll need to be out of the office for doctor’s visits and scans. Does someone need to cover for you while you are out for these appointments, if so who? Start planning if your job usually requires a lot of travel. After a certain point you will no longer be able to fly. If you need to fly to meet clients or attend important meetings, schedule this early on in your pregnancy.

Planning for the Last Day in the Office

Unless you’re planning a C-section, your due date is just an estimate. You may want to take a week of vacation before the baby arrives, but he/she could arrive early, so there is no guarantee of downtime before the baby arrives. First, check with HR and understand your benefits, paid leave vs. unpaid leave, etc. Some mothers I know like to work right up to the final moment so they can spend as much time at home with the baby as possible. Some colleagues have been put on full bed rest a month or two before birth, and they’ve been required to work from home. It’s good to have a plan, but also think of contingencies as the date of birth and your physical condition can change.

The advice written by Julie-Ann Tathem, Tathem LLC is opinion based and for entertainment and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be in place of a consultation with a health, tax, legal or other professional.

This article first appeared in I Want Her Job.com.  Julie-Ann is a regular contributing writer for I Want Her Job and these articles form a part of an ongoing series of career advice where she addresses the questions and concerns of IWHJ readers.

“I Want Her Job™ is the website for independent-thinking women everywhere in search of the next best thing.” Brianne Burrows, Founder + Editor-In-Chief.

Q: A co-worker was laid off, and I’ve been tasked with all of her duties. I used to get all of my work done—staying late one, maybe two nights a week. Now I’m staying late every night, and with all of the added work and meetings I need to be in, I feel like I can’t catch up. It’s starting to make me miserable. I’m glad I’m still here, but it almost feels like they’re trying to drive me away. What can I do?

Q: Lately, I’ve been thinking about leaving my job to stay home with my son. One of my closest colleagues is about to have her last day in the office because she’s leaving to stay at home with her daughter. We’re just not quite there financially for me to make this move, and I’m not sure how I’ll feel not having the stimulus of work when I’m a full-time stay-at-home mom. What can I take do to gain more clarity on whether or not leaving my job to stay home is right for me?  

Q: I’m looking to switch to a new industry, but it requires a different skill set. I’m in sales, and I want to start writing because it’s something I love and that I’ve heard I’m really good at. Do I need to go back to school? What steps should I take to make this transition in the smartest way possible?

Q: How do you approach executives without looking insubordinate to your immediate manager? My boss takes credit for work other people on the team do, or doesn’t pass along our ideas. How do we get recognized for our ideas and the work we’re doing without looking like we’re going behind his back?

Sooner or later, you’re bound to come across a boss like this. Unfortunately, the reality is that some managers will take credit for other people’s work and not pass along their ideas. However, there are some strategies you can implement to lessen the negative impact.

Assume the CEO position when it comes to your career.

While it makes good sense to not go out of the way to upset the boss, at the end of the day, this is your career and your livelihood. You have a responsibility to be the best you can be. So if this means your boss ends up feeling uncomfortable that you’re developing relationships with senior management, so be it.

Stop asking permission.

Is the fear of upsetting your manager and being labeled insubordinate worth it to play small, thereby limiting your own success? As the CEO of your career, ask yourself if you want to work for a boss like this over the long-term. You may have to be prepared to change teams or even companies. In the short term though, if you have a good idea and you believe it will add value to your company, then I’d encourage you to take the risk of potentially upsetting your boss and go directly to senior management. You never know: you could get a promotion and end up being your boss’s boss.

Developing senior relationships is a MUST for long-term career success.

The old saying of “don’t put all your eggs in one basket” definitely applies to your career. It’s not a savvy career strategy to rely on one person to do all your career promotion. Even if your boss was passing along your good ideas, what if he/she leaves the company? It seems no job is for life these days; people move around all the time. So it’s up to you to build goodwill in the company and with other individuals. The people who I’ve known to be good at fast-tracking their career have always made it a point of developing relationships with senior management. I don’t consider it being insubordinate in building relationships directly with executives at your company—I consider it career savvy.

Q: I work for a large consumer brand and six months ago, I was moved to a new department as part of a reorganization. I feel lucky to have a job, as a few people I know lost theirs, but I’m just not happy in this new department. The work doesn’t excite me as much and I’ve been dreading coming to work. How can I try to transition back to my old department, or in the very least, a different department?

It can be unsettling when a company reorganizes its structure and there are layoffs and department changes. I’ve been through a few over the years—there’s always an adjustment period as everyone settles into the new regime. However, your management team must value the work you do, otherwise you could have lost your job as well.

With this in mind, here are some points you may want to take into consideration.

Ask yourself: “What can I learn?”

There are opportunities to learn from any experience. So while I hear you may not find the work in your new department very exciting, it doesn’t mean you can’t gain handsomely from the experience. How could you make your work more exciting? Which of your gifts and talents can you bring to the new department? Maybe you could suggest a new project or a more streamlined approach to a current one. Dig deeper into understanding the operations of your new area. See a problem and suggest a solution. How can you leverage your skill set learned from your former department and bring it to the new one? There’s always a chance you could end up with a promotion out of this.

Advance your career

If you plan on advancing your career at this company, then the more areas of the organization you know, the more valuable you’ll be to your boss and boss’s boss. In fact, many companies are in favor of their employees moving around the firm so they can build up their knowledge base. In your question, you write you didn’t choose this recent department move, but in time, it may end up being something you see as a blessing. By using this extensive knowledge about the workings of the company, you can speak with authority and use this to self-promote as you climb the career ladder.

Q: My boss is one of the biggest gossips in the office. When we meet, he tries to bring me into it, telling me what the newest gossip is, what his theories are on other people in the office, etc. It makes me uncomfortable, but I feel I have to join in because he’s my boss. How can I aviod being a part of what I don’t think is really all that nice without ticking off my boss by not joining in?

Navigating office gossip can be a difficult situation, made worse by the fact that the person initiating the gossip is your boss. So I acknowledge your willingness to find ways of not participating.

It’s good practice to know what is going on in the office as it can prove helpful to navigate your way through your workday, or pick the timing to pitch a new idea or ask for a promotion. But if the office banter is just about engaging in a negative discussion about a fellow colleague, I agree with your desire to not be a part of it.

Here are a couple of practical suggestions to avoid the office gossip circle:

Highlight something nice or noble about the colleague. 

The next time your boss tries to include you in his newest gossip about other colleagues, try to change the subject. Highlight something great or noble about the person in question; perhaps mention what a great parent they are and give examples of how active they are in coaching their kid’s sports team, perhaps they volunteer at a local charity or you witnessed a kind act they did in the office. It’s hard to speak negatively about someone in the face of good news.

Always have a work topic in mind. 

If you find yourself cornered in the office unable to get away, think of a work topic you’d like to discuss with your boss – pitch an idea, get his input to solve a problem, ask him for advice. Keeping your discussions professional and work related is another proactive way of changing the topic. And if he’s committed in any way to his job, it’s hard for him to negate your enthusiasm for “always wanting to talk shop.”

Excuse yourself from the situation.

Excuse yourself and physically leave the discussion, whether you say you are on your way to a meeting, about to make an urgent telephone call or even say you are heading to the bathroom. Come across as friendly, but gracefully exit the situation and don’t engage with your boss.

Q: I’m only 23 and was recently promoted into a leadership position. I feel really lucky to be where I am. However, in this new position, I’m also in charge of a few people who are twice my age — if not more. Most are handling this really well and are excited to be working with me in this capacity, but there’s one guy in particular who isn’t having a go with it. He’s rude and disrespectful to me and I don’t know how to handle it. I know he has a daughter my age and this could bother him. How do I make the situation better so he wants to work with me?

 A: Congratulations and well done on the promotion. I’m sure you were promoted on merit, so keep this in mind when you’re interacting with your much older team member — you deserve to be there.

If you’re in a position of managing this gentleman, who’s more than twice your age, and he continues to be rude and disrespectful, then at some point, you’ll need to sit him down and speak with him.

I’m sure it’s an adjustment for him, particularly as he has a daughter your age. He’s probably going through some of his own uncomfortable feelings and emotions questioning his lack of career advancement and perhaps comparing himself to you, but this is still no excuse for him being rude and disrespectful.

I recently read some comments by Sheryl Sandberg. At the time she was considering joining Facebook as COO, other companies were willing to hire her as CEO. People questioned why she was taking a “lower level” job to work for a 23-year-old. (Mark Zuckerberg was 7 years old when she was graduating from Harvard.) But this is the new age we live in; promotion is no longer dependent on age.

People rarely stay in one company and methodically climb the corporate ladder like they used to. I’ve worked with many people in senior positions who were younger than me. At some point, he’ll either need to embrace this and make the best of it or leave your group.

Create an Advantage

This being said, try to work with him and help him play to his strengths. He could be quite an asset if managed correctly. It sounds like you have quite a senior team, who bring life skills to the job, as well as their years of experience. If you think he’s good at what he does and has something of benefit to offer you and your group, then support him in stepping into this.

Set Up One-On-One’s

This is not only a new job for you, but as a manager, I’m sure you have a heavier workload and are still finding a new rhythm. If you haven’t already done so, I would set up a review with each member of your team. Find out their strengths, discuss areas where they can improve and look to align these with the performance targets and goals of the team. Delegate sizable projects that stretch each member and get the team involved so they feel they have autonomy over the projects they’re working on.

Create a Peak Potential Environment

Delegating is also a great opportunity to demonstrate your commitment to be a manager focused on career advancement of the team and getting the best out of them. According to the findings in “A Spiritual Audit of Corporate America,” respondents were asked, “What gives people meaning in their work?” Their No. 1 response: “The ability to realize my full potential as a person.” Making money was the fourth choice.

Delegate to Win

 Delegating serves as a “win-win” strategy: it demonstrates to your team that you believe in them and are advocating for their career advancement and personal growth. And as the manager, you’re then able to find time to think more strategically because you have successfully delegated.

If you start again taking into account that the No. 1 response is “the desire we all have to realize our full potential as a person,“ you could end up being the first manager who has ever really cared about this gentleman’s career development. He may even turn around and thank you.

In the meantime, stick with it. You earned it. You deserve to be there in the management position.

-Julie Ann Tathem

The advice written by Julie-Ann Tathem, Tathem LLC is opinion based and for entertainment and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be in place of a consultation with a health, tax, legal or other professional.

This article first appeared in I Want Her Job.com.  Julie-Ann is a regular contributing writer for I Want Her Job and these articles form a part of an ongoing series of career advice where she addresses the questions and concerns of IWHJ readers.

“I Want Her Job™ is the website for independent-thinking women everywhere in search of the next best thing.” Brianne Burrows, Founder + Editor-In-Chief.

 Q: Lately, I’ve had a colleague jump in and respond to emails from other colleagues, even though they’re addressed to me and he’s been cc’d on them mostly as a courtesy. It’s starting to get on my nerves — especially because he’s answering questions for areas of the business he doesn’t work on. What’s the best way to handle this without creating a dramatic situation in the office?

A: I hear you and agree: this situation can be frustrating; particularly if he’s answering emails about areas of the business he’s not involved in. However, step back for a moment and observe your colleagues’ behavior from a neutral place.

What do you think his intention is in answering emails out of his business area, particularly when he’s only cc’d on the email out of courtesy? I’d guess he’s trying to self-promote and look like he’s knowledgeable about many areas of the business, not just his own. From his perspective, this is a smart strategy, particularly if he’s looking for a promotion and wants to end up managing multiple business units.

Finesse your strategy and be the expert, too. 

The good news is, with some finessing of your strategy, you can also do the same thing. Take a look at my Q&A from last weeks’ post “Negotiating a Raise Above our Typical Cost-of-Living Bump.” I’ll highlight two sections which you may find useful: Start early and don’t wait until your annual review and Don’t be shy on self-promotion; be the expert. 

I want to be clear that there are exceptions to every rule. However, my experience is that overall, men are better at self-promotion than women, particularly in the workplace. I’ve seen this time and again: when it comes to working on projects, discussions in meetings and in job interviews, men are more comfortable appearing as the expert, leaning toward overstating their achievements, while women generally take a more supportive role, leaning toward understating their achievements.

Some of the most triggering situations can be a catalyst for great growth. Simply put, this means your colleagues’ behavior could end up being your best lesson and motivator in advancing your career. So my question back to you is: HOW can you be better at self-promotion? And HOW can you learn from your colleague by proactively sharing your knowledge and expertise?

Put self-promotion into practice.

A couple of suggestions: If he answers emails that were sent to you, go along with it. Hit “Reply to All,” openly acknowledge him for his answer and add in your own points. If this isn’t his business area, then you’ll know more about the operations than he does. Find something helpful to say that makes you look like the expert in your area.

I’m not suggesting coming from a place of “tit for tat.” It’s also important to be proactive with this. If you observe something in his business area that’s solution-oriented or the celebration of good news, then compose an email and send it, cc’ing management, other divisional heads and colleagues where appropriate. It’s important to be consistent, proactive and timely. Don’t wait to compose an email filled with great insights because you’re catching up replying to his comments. Find something that adds value in the moment and don’t be shy about sending it.

Good girls don’t boast. Instead, women self-promote.

If you feel some resistance when it comes to self-promotion, consider for a moment if you have any unconscious, limiting beliefs, like “good girls don’t boast,” “good girls don’t create a fuss” and “good girls should be supportive.” Or, “If I work really hard at being a good girl, someone will eventually notice and promote me.”

Check out my Q&A post on “ Setting Email Boundaries When You’re Off the Clock” where I talk about unconscious patterns and playing the “good girl.” Unfortunately, I still see many women conditioned to play this role and then witness the limiting effects it has on their career. Being respectful, courteous and cooperative in the workplace are must-have traits and should be encouraged, but if this gets confused with needing to be a “good girl,” then stop. Or get comfortable and move into acceptance that people will likely be promoted around you, since they don’t share your fear and judgment of self-promotion.

People are busy. The volume of information we’re exposed to each day is huge and attention spans are short. Being willing to highlight your achievements, as well as consistently demonstrating your expertise helped along by self-promotion, are key ingredients to career advancement.

Wishing you great success,

-Julie Ann Tathem

The advice written by Julie-Ann Tathem, Tathem LLC is opinion based and for entertainment and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be in place of a consultation with a health, tax, legal or other professional.

This article first appeared in I Want Her Job.com.  Julie-Ann is a regular contributing writer for I Want Her Job and these articles form a part of an ongoing series of career advice where she addresses the questions and concerns of IWHJ readers.

“I Want Her Job™ is the website for independent-thinking women everywhere in search of the next best thing.” Brianne Burrows, Founder + Editor-In-Chief.

I subscribe to TDL – The Daily Love and was reading yesterdays’ post by Mastin Kipp on Don’t Take Blame or Praise Personally! Define your self from within.

It not only resonated with me in terms of delving into the question “How do we each be unapologetically ourselves”, but also reminded me of an 11-day silent meditation retreat I did many years ago in Japan.

The teacher, slightly making fun of the group, highlighted how many of us are easily controlled by external circumstances. He used the simple example of the weather. “If it is a sunny day, many of you are a happy, if it is a rainy day, many of you are sad. Your emotions go up… your emotions go down … up, down, always being controlled by the outside”. One of the purposes of the retreat was to get practice at observing our breath and to retain our inner peace no matter what goes on around us. As negative thoughts come up, we were to return peacefully observing our breath.  What I observed in myself over that 11 days of silence, is how easy it was for me to be pulled out of my center and get hooked into the negative AND positive thoughts. Through awareness, I try to be mindful if I am triggered, and return to my center as soon as I can.

Think about the times during the day where you are allowing yourself to be controlled by your external environment. It could be the unconscious ways you are seeking approval and validation from others or the ways you limit yourself to avoid criticism. Now spend some time in your internal environment. Get quiet, and turn your attention inwards – sit in your own center for a moment.