Who Are You Surrounded by?
I’m reading a book called “Mindset: The new psychology of success” by Carol Dweck… And there is a passage on p162 which stood out for me..
“Conventional wisdom says that you know who your friends are in your times of need. And of course this view has merit. Who will stand by you, day after day when you’re in trouble. However, sometimes an even tougher question is: Who can you turn to when good things happen? When you find a wonderful partner. When you get a great job offer or promotion. When your child does well. Who would be glad to hear it? Your failures and misfortunes don’t threaten other people’s self-esteem. Ego-wise, it’s easy to be sympathetic to someone in need. It’s your assets and your successes that are problems for people who derive their self-esteem from being superior.”
It got me thinking as to who I surround myself with. I’m fortunate to have many friends and family who not only support me when I’m having a challenging time, but who celebrate my successes; even if in that moment, they see me as having more success than themselves.
Take a moment to think about who you surround yourself with? Friends, family, spouses, girlfriends, boyfriends, bosses, colleagues. Are they open in their celebration of you when great things happen? Or is their self-esteem derived from believing they are superior to you? Do they minimize your success and attempt to put you down or not want to speak about it. If this is the case, what is your part in this? Are you tied into seeking their approval and/or “love”; do you consciously or unconsciously play small and limit your success in order to keep their approval? I’ve certainly had my share of people who I later realized derived their self-esteem from feeling superior to me and others. And over the years also realized where I was unconsciously seeking their approval and validation. Now if I see this pattern happening, I look to heal whatever has been triggered in me, and maybe the most self-honoring choice is to stop seeing them.
As Marianne Williamson writes “There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.” … ”And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”
You can’t control the reaction of others, but I do believe we all have a responsibility to be the best we can be. So start looking at who is in your circle and who you are spending time with. Ideally it’s those who celebrate and see greatness in you, even if sometimes you fail to see it in yourself; as well as those who are supportive during the tougher times.
